Steve Smith moves closer to Don Bradman as the ICC’s highest-ever rated cricketer after his match-winning double-century in the third Test against England in Perth.
After being forcibly taken to Lorengau, Bangladeshi Joinul Islam’s fears were realised and he was attacked again
A refugee has been attacked in Manus for a second time amid rising tensions in Lorengau and protests from Manusians over the new Australian-run refugee centres in the town.
The Guardian first spoke with Bangladeshi refugee Joinul Islam last month during the standoff at the decommissioned immigration detention centre at Lombrum when he said he feared for his safety if he was taken back to Lorengau.
2017 what a terrible year etc etc. At least we can all enjoy the grim spectacle of the world ending through the prolix and fulsome eyes of F Onthemoon Esquire
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So much has happened in 2017 and also some cartoons. Join us in our annual not very good quiz as we arbitrarily remember the last 12 months, cheering Brenda the Civil Disobedience Penguin, booing Senator Ian the Climate Denialist Potato, buying First Dog on the Moon’s new book it has a foreword by Matt Groening. It’s all here but do you remember any of it I don’t I had to look it all up again although some of these cartoons are quite good. Do you have what it takes to be a smug cartoonist? Get quizling!
By being stuffed into hand crafted artisanal bio diesel powered rockets that are fired into the sun.
On their knees like the rest of us, tumbling into mass graves dug in the poisoned earth, their underpants flush with $100 bills.
Have their mansions ransacked and their pallid flesh consumed by fierce hordes of millennial renters with low triglyceride levels due to excessive avocado consumption.
Irene from Tarneit who was receiving child support but then the algorithm decided her child was a turtle.
Barry from Pennant Hills who told Centrelink he worked casually at Flaptinkle’s Fruit Barn however the Tax Office had the business listed as Flaptinkle’s Fruit Barn Inc and also Flaptinkle’s Fruitorium so it was treated as three different jobs.
Tiffanye from Cronulla who lost all her payslips when her axolotl Bradley accidentally burnt her house down. So now she doesn’t have the 6 year old payslips she needs to prove she doesn’t have a debt.
The Raccoons of the Resistance manifesto does not include the following statement:
Human Rights (which are the rights of women, people of color and first nations, everyone LGBTQI and woodland creatures except bobcats or anyone else who eats raccoons)
People shouldn’t put their garbage in trashcans with locks or complicated catches on the lids
Everyone has the right healthcare, food, employment and housing in a hollow tree.
Tights are not pants.
Thinking about the Turnbull government, which of the following is not an genuine Aussie colloquialism. The Turnbull government is so useless they couldn’t:
Buy First Dog on the Moon’s new book about the end of the world it has a foreword by Matt Groening
Explain to your children that after a nuclear war their pets will be dead but they will be able to afford a house.
Dig an enormous hole and either hide a shipping container in it or use it as a moat to keep the UN out.
Tell the First Dog on the Moon Institute where your bunker is so we can hand deliver an Official Certificate of Preparedness to you as soon as TSHTFA
Making sure there is extra sanctimonium in the tanks.
Powering up the electrified trollaway array.
Checking the sensitivity gradient on the Snowflakeometer.
Tightening all the Vilifwires.
Get back you ghouls I’m in the union!
Come at me you parasites!
These programs aren’t about jobs, they’re about using the young and poor as fuel for the great steaming maw of the class engine. You breathe born-to-rule like air, you are blind mewling guzzling baby-monsters desperate for the bulging bloody colon of business to keep digesting and sucking all the goodness from the future of young people so you can excrete the cash and wallow in it like depraved beasts.
You bloated fascist leeches I will cut you!
Ian the climate denialist potato is now a senator representing the good people and vegetables of Tasmania or Queensland
Senator Ian the Climate Denialist Potato became a senator because of the dual-citizenship AEC countback redistribution imbroglio
Ian doesn’t know anything about any sex shops and anyway it is his brother Owen who runs them it is a family business nothing to do with him.
When asked about the dual-citizenship debacle Senator Ian said “The government has agreed to keep flailing around like a moray eel at a Manuka bus stop until we die.”
National thanks for the ABC Day. All the children dress as Michelle Guthrie and run around firing middle management
Arbitrary Detention Day – Celebrating Peter Dutton’s contribution to Australia – All the children dress as asylum seekers (in armani and gucci) and there is a fun parade they are not allowed to attend.
Malcolm Turnbull Appreciation Day. Nothing happens. Everyone stays home. Events are organised but nobody turns up.
Social Media Commemoration Day All the children dress as trolls and run around making death threats
The Guardian’s Bird of the Year Poll was:
All these answers are correct
10 and above.
9 and above.
8 and above.
7 and above.
6 and above.
5 and above.
4 and above.
3 and above.
2 and above.
0 and above.
1 and above.
Deputy Prime Minister and incoming Minister for Infrastructure Barnaby Joyce says yesterday’s cabinet reshuffle causing upset is “hardly a remarkable statement”.
A captain’s knock from Shane Watson fires the Sydney Thunder to a thrilling last-ball win over the Sydney Sixers in the Big Bash League season opener.
A number of the supermaxi’s electronics are damaged as the boat’s mast is struck by lighting while it rested out of the water at Woolwich dock.
Wednesday: New emissions projections slipped out as Canberra attention was focused on reshuffle. Plus: The eye-watering cost of family court cases
Good morning, this is Eleanor Ainge Roy bringing you the main stories and must-reads on Wednesday 20 December.
The United States government is officially blaming North Korea for the WannaCry ransomware outbreak in May that infected nearly a quarter-million computers in 150 countries.
‘Cuck’, short for cuckold, is the favoured insult of men’s rights activists today. But the term has a long history, including an obsession with cuckoldry from the 16th to 18th centuries.
As Britain grapples with the tumultuous process of leaving the European Union, the world-renowned statesman is regularly invoked by both sides of the debate.